All alarm clocks suck.

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Real-Life Yoga Positions

Real-Life Yoga Positions by Edmund X. DeJesus After taking a few yoga classes, I realize that I've been doing yoga all my life without knowing it. Here are a few of my most commonly performed positions, which I contribute for anyone's use. Returning Shopper 1. Stand in front of locked back door with 2 full grocery bags hanging from each hand. 2. Extend forward from waist and attempt to insert key in lock. 3. Drop key on steps. 4. Balancing on left leg, extend right leg behind you and bend forward. 5. Reach for dropped key with left hand. 6. Accidentally loop handle of right grocery bag over doorknob. This should pin you in Inverted Stork position. 7. Hold position until curious neighbor investigates piteous moaning. Stubbed Toe Preparation: Position large and heavy object, such as a suitcase or a chair, in an unusual place in your bedroom. 1. Rise from bed in the middle of the night. 2. Strike object smartly with toe of left foot. 3. Raise left foot to waist
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